Is this what Noah felt like?

 

I’ve been a life-long church-goer. You know how that song by Brad Paisley goes…? “Saturday night out on the town and a church girl on Sunday”. I’m claiming that as my tag line. Because although I may be sporting those eye crusties in pew number 7, I always do my best to claim that spot next to Nana & Papa. Or the back pew for the times I’m late.

 

Anyways. In church I learned about the story of Noah and how it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that’s happening here. Either that or BrenAmerica has developed some sort of Monsoon season. I feel like I’m living in some Vampire-esque alternate universe where we crystalize at the sight of sun light. Maybe that is what happened and the Lord is just looking out for my best interest. Thanks, God. I mean what else could it be? Because this entire year has practically been a torrential downpour.

 

I would watch the weather and hope for brighter days, but due to recent history, I have begun to seriously doubt all weather personnel. I may just invest in a Farmer’s Almanac and be done with it. Or just not do anything and never know what to expect. Live my life on the edge and whatnot. Sounds so trendy. Like something a hipster would do. Or a weather-man-doubter.

 

I realized I hadn’t written a blog in several months and with all this down time at the golf course (BECAUSE OF THE ENDLESS RAIN DROPS FALLING FROM THE SKY AND VERY FRIDGID TEMPS) I’ve had time to gather my thoughts on lifey-things and such. What better place to get your thoughts out than the world wide web?!…

So, just a little warning, this may get a bit long winded. 

Lucky for my readers mom, there is this nifty little “x” in the top right hand corner of your browser. You can shut me up any time you want with just a click of the mouse! I know what you’re thinking…you wish you had that in real life. Too bad, friends.

 

TOPIC ONE: EXPRESS LANE POLICE

Could anybody enlighten me on the need for an express lane at the store when NOBODY EVEN ABIDES BY THE 15 ITEMS OR LESS RULE. As you can see, this gets me a little worked up. But as a rule-abiding citizen of the great ole USofA I think I have the absolute right to get a little testy!

The other morning I was running in for a quick trip to pick up some last-minute things for a big shebang. I went to the express lane (because I had 15 items or less) thinking it would be a short process. 

NOPE.

The lady 2 people in front of me had 6 items. Which she kindly broke into 3 different purchases.

NUH-UH.

Andddd one of her purchases were cigarettes which means the checker had to walk very slowly to the cigarette cabinet, find a manger, unlock the door, and then walk very slowly back and check her out. Another on of her purchases was a donut. 

Woman. Just buy your friend the dang donut.

GAWSH.

As if this one experience didn’t doom me to the self check-out for life –

a different time this oldgeezer man behind me, very obviously, COUNTED MY ITEMS.

And I was all NUH-UH OLD MAN. In my head, of course. But still. I had that look on my face that was all like “I dare you to count one more item.” 

 

TOPIC TWO: SHAKIN’ IT.

I’ve recently started this Zumba journey. For those of you who do know me, I know what your thinking: “Kyla already dances so well I bet she is a star in that class.”

Well, that’s not quite the case. 

I love the heck out of that class but I look like a fool with my noodle arms and uncoordinated body. But TRY AND KEEP ME AWAY. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a working out environment ever in my entire life. 

I knew from the first time we did the pony that this was made for me.

Be still my heart.

I’m movin and grooving and shakin what little the Good Lord gave me. And you know what? When the instructor says “How is everybody doing?!?!” I’m the only one that says “WHOO!” back but I don’t even care. Because my heart is happy and I’m getting that bikini bodddd, y’all. LOL.

I’ll get that bikini bodddd once I put down the chips and guac. And maybe lay off the wine a bit. Clear liquids, right? Bartender can pass me the gin & toni. I’ll  be just as happy. And fit and fiiiiine.

 

TOPIC THREE: CHRIS THE FARMER

As you probably guessed I’m one of those Bachelor / Bachelorette fans. Krusty and I watch it religiously and yell at the TV give our unbiased thoughts on the current happenings.

You want to know what I think? I think that it’s absolutely bonkers to go on this show. But you know what else? I probably would just to have an excuse for a stylist to make me look beautiful. Because lemme just say they all looked flawless on “THE BACHELOR TELL ALL” – which was by-far my most fave episode. That and the one that left Kardashian and “Guidence Counselor” in the dessert. Because that was fun-nay.

But “THE BACHELOR TELL ALL” just got a little rowdy. And I liked it.

Can I just say Jillian needs to calm down on the “protein shakes” AKA STEROIDS a bit. Dontcha think? Because no self-proclaimed lady in her right mind wants to be wearing such an angry face during a heated debate. Mama always taught me to remain looking pleasant at all times. 

*Except for the fact that I got PapaBear’s jeans and tend to turn BEAT RED when I feel a really bad thing coming on. Which I am proud to say only comes around once in a blue moon; I tend to remain calm a large majority of the time. DONTCHA WORRY GUYS.*

Surprisingly enough I am both TEAM WHITNEY & TEAM BECCA. Even though, as my poor roommate (who has the stomache bug and will probably be quarantined to her room for the next 72 hours) can attest that I’ve always been TEAM CARLY from the beginning. But alas, I shall settle.

Whitney is ADORABLE and Becca has just this BEAUTIFUL FACE AND EVERYTHING. As much as I love watching this show I can’t help but feel a bit ug when it’s all over.


I’m behind on my episodes so I can’t give my opinion on the final turnout but I have a strong hunch the winner’s name rhymes with Shmitney. BUT PLEASE, NOBODY SPOIL IT FOR ME.


So stay tuned for later this week. Because I’ve got plenty on my mind to share.

 

-KC

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