Tardy for the Party

Oh my gosh I LOVE THAT SHOW. And I’m 100% not a reality show lover-gurl.  But it’s hillarious. And I’m watching it right now as I drip sweaty goodness (alcohol from my weekend vacay) after the first ab workout from #PEENINETYEXX so I thought since I’m several days late on my posts (and workouts) it was all too appropriate.

Just came up with that and I’m on a workout high right now so I’m going to roll with it.

#PEENINETYEXX

So I haven’t written for the last two posts. You may or may not notice (may not if you’re my friend) that if I had worked out everyday since the last post I would have probably completed the series. Well here’s the thing:

  1. I also teach yoga so I have been working out
  2. I skipped Friday, Saturday & Sunday because I was on a wild, partying adventure
    1. Kyla’s version of “wild, partying adventure” consists of drinking cheap beer, making $5 bets on fast ponies, 9:45 bedtime and continental breakfast; don’t get carried away with your thoughts.

But you wanna know something great? I loved every second of the fattening fun and #noragrets

But now it’s Monday and it’s back to #PEENINETYEXX

Before I go over today’s core extravaganza, I’d like to talk about Thursday’s hooplah.

It was called Kempo…aka KICKBOXING. Rock On! I’m a star in my own mind at that. Especially since I have a mirror wall in my house and I could be all Sasha Fierce with my facial expressions. It seriously pumped me up and was the best workout I’ve had yet. If you ever just want to do one #PEENINETYEXX workout and be done with it, I’d go for that one. FAVE.

You may think it’s just an hour of cardio but you will be sore the next day. Well, if you go hardcore like I did you will be.

Today’s core workout was not my favorite…

I woke up early this morning and did some cardio at the gym so I’m going to blame that on my slouchy workout. And my taco salad I had for lunch. It was good but I can’t really say it was the best energy source. Neither was the trail mix that followed.

I’m almost done with this vid series which PUMPS ME UP and is very encouraging. I can’t say I’ll work out this weekend either because it’ll be my “rest series” but we all may get a big fat surprise on Monday. Probably not.

L8ERS.

KC

L8

For the record…

I have been keeping up with my workouts! It’s the blog posts that haven’t been happening.

Not because I’ve been too busy – I have definitely been very busy, but I’m not a fan of that excuse – it just hasn’t been a priority. 

That’s insightful, right? Now to muh post:

The YogaExxxx vid is loooooong. If I didn’t like yoga I think I might hate my life durig that time period. Who wants to do that for 90 minutes?? Well I did it and was totally a winner. 

I could tell Tony Horton was thinking “OH MY GOSH LET ME BE DONE” at some points…he wasn’t his usual shining star; he’s more of a “hey ladies, watch how many push-ups I can do *winky face**flex arm*.” Totes wasn’t happening during yogi time.

The other workout was legs and back and that was a sweater. And of course Tones was back to flattering himself…lol. 

#KylaNote – the biggest bummer I’ve come across with certain videos is you kind of need a pull-up bar. *Big surprise* but I don’t own one of those….instead I’ve just been using weights and pushing up with my hands facing the same way as they do. Another option is to get bands but,again, you need something elevated to attach them to. And I also have a very anti-bands addi due to a disagreeable swim team coach in high school who was a SUPER FAN of them. Still not over it.

Today is KempoX whatevs that is…I shall find out at fiiive!

Judging by the picture on the DVD’s cover that is super edited with contrast turned up to 1,000 so you can see all of this dudes muscles and such, I’m going to say kicking is involved. Sorry to my downstairs neighbors. 

And can I just say *knock on wood* I actually look forward to doing the videos…

I feel like a rockstar when I’m done. Could I perhaps be an at-home-workouter??? Wha? I’ve never been one of those! We shall see; I’m only a week in. I tend to jump the gun every now and then…
~~~~

Day Three: The Limp Walk

I can officially say I did not succumb to the “no workout Friday” bug! That’s a really big deal when you’re an expert napper-after-work like myself.

I have reached what people call the “good burn” and I was really glad today’s workout was mostly static arm exercises. Who’s going to have those tank top arms just in time for winter…?! ?!

Yours truly. 

BAM.

Tomorrow is YOGA DAY! This is M.Y. A.R.E.A. guys. But lest we forget…its YOGAX. LOL. I guess the X part is why they thought it had to be an hour and a half workout. Bleh. And this is going to be after a 5K tomorrow morning.

WTF

(Well that’s fantastic) Dur.

ANNNND yoga requires no shoes and no equipment. And…drumroll…no pants. WHOO! Universal workout, no?

Hopefully I’ll still have some finger typing power after all of my hoopla have tomorrow…guess we’ll see!
KC

PLY-ometrics; Not Polymetrics. Hard; Not Easy.

NUMERO DOS

Allll I could think about today was this workout. I think the most intimidating thing about the whole thing is the X in the title, no? I mean, everything sounds way more scary that way…

CupcakeX!

KittiesX!

WineBottleX!

See. 

Does this mean in 10 more days I’ll be KylaRaeX! ?

Here’s Jellybean and me pre-PlyometricsX

  
One of the first sentences out of Tony Horton’s mouth: 

“Plyometrics puts the “x” in P90X.”

And I think : 

“Well this is going to be a big fat mess up in here.”

Results:

Tooootally a big fat mess. LOL. A perfect example of why I’m better off doing these high-intensity things in the privacy of my own home. At one point I felt like I looked like Phoebe from Friends when she did that dance to seduce Chandler…😂 But I was certainly entertaining myself!

My best bet to get through these things was to add hand motions to the exercises and make everything a dance move. WELL-AH!

#KylasSecretToSuccess #Dancing Queen

Here’s Jellybean and me after we (I) worked out

  
Hashtag Sweat-tay! 

Hashtag BOOYAH!
In response to yesterday’s workout, yes, I hurt. 

And I’m concerned that tomorrow is Shoulders and Arms. I better get to thinking of those dance mooooves!

L8ERX

SHE CRAY

Hiya!

For those of you who have ever been so kind as to take a moment to glance over my few paragraphs of rambling every third month, I thank you.

BUT THAT’S ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE, GUYS.

Thanks to a few things that have arose recently, I have decided to do a certain thing that I am slightly concerned with.

You may be familiar with Julie & Julia; a lady (Julia) decided to cook her way through Julia Child’s cookbook and documented herself doing so.

I’m perfectly content with my cooking. Those who have to consume it may not be; but I think my bland steamed broccoli and lemon fish is balllller. And I’ll keep eating my organic goodies natural and plain just the way they are – much to my dear ole daddy’s disapproval; he believes organic foods and the (DELISH) frozen mushroom patties contribute to his high feed prices. We literally had a “stop taking my food out of the basket and putting it back on the shelves” argument in HEB after church one Sunday about a year ago. *cue Mother shaking her head*

Back to where I was going with J&J –

I’m a BIG FAT SUCKER for infomercials and in 2012 (yes, I’m still dwelling on something I did 3 years ago), I was pulled into the WAY AWESOME P90X DVD package for a mere THREE PAYMENTS. WHAT? As cheap frugal as I am, Tony Horton still reeled me and my hard-earned tip money (I was a waitress; not a stripper ya nasties) and I. BOUGHT. THE. SET.

I’ll give you all one unified guess of how many times I have completed this DVD series.

Goose. Egg.

So, as of today, I have decided to blog my way through this ever-so-challenging series of workout DVD’s just as Julie made her way through Julia’s cookbook. I’m doing this mainly so I have a reason to get off my butt and complete the challenge.

Mind you, I am a workout enthusiast. I teach yoga, have completed a Mud Run and Half Marathon and genuinely enjoy the satisfaction from it all.

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t. – Elle Woods

But there are times when I would much rather be sitting on my couch with no pants on, drinking wine out of the bottle (to conserve dishes; worry not), while eating dry cereal and watching Steel Magnolias.

But you know what? That’s not going to get me the money back for the DVD’s.

Neither will completing them – but at least I’ll be able to say it was money well spent!

So here is my official public statement. Be on the lookout for my blog updates on how close I come to dying with each P90X workout!!

The first shall be….NOW.

DAY NÚMERO UNO

The first day was Chest and Arms. Whoo.

I will say that I was bummed I didn’t have a pull-up bar because that was used quite frequently in this workout. I decided to use my weights and just do the push-up motion instead. #stillburned

Tony kept saying the phrase, “the last three have to be TOUGH!”

Well Tony, how about the first two? Is that good enough for you?

I found myself getting really sassy towards the TV.

  
Here’s a picture mom snapped of me in the midst of complaining about push-up overload.

#badform #noform #stillburned

Honestly, it’s a good thing I’m a DJ. My writing capabilities may be a little less than the usual tomorrow, but I shall still yap on as usual! You may all breathe a sigh of relief…

Tomorrow is Polymetrics. I’m more optimistic about this because I’ve never ever been a fan of upper body work. Gimme those  Utkatasanas, yo! (YOOOGIIIIS) Most of you have no clue right now; my apologies. Gimme those, chair poses, please. 

Tomorrow I will once again update with how this 12 day program goes. It sounds like kid stuff but YOU ARE INCORRECT. I may be looking to sell these DVD’s in 13 days for a mere THREE PAYMENTS! 😉

L8ER,

KC 

PS #stillburns

Is this what Noah felt like?

 

I’ve been a life-long church-goer. You know how that song by Brad Paisley goes…? “Saturday night out on the town and a church girl on Sunday”. I’m claiming that as my tag line. Because although I may be sporting those eye crusties in pew number 7, I always do my best to claim that spot next to Nana & Papa. Or the back pew for the times I’m late.

 

Anyways. In church I learned about the story of Noah and how it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that’s happening here. Either that or BrenAmerica has developed some sort of Monsoon season. I feel like I’m living in some Vampire-esque alternate universe where we crystalize at the sight of sun light. Maybe that is what happened and the Lord is just looking out for my best interest. Thanks, God. I mean what else could it be? Because this entire year has practically been a torrential downpour.

 

I would watch the weather and hope for brighter days, but due to recent history, I have begun to seriously doubt all weather personnel. I may just invest in a Farmer’s Almanac and be done with it. Or just not do anything and never know what to expect. Live my life on the edge and whatnot. Sounds so trendy. Like something a hipster would do. Or a weather-man-doubter.

 

I realized I hadn’t written a blog in several months and with all this down time at the golf course (BECAUSE OF THE ENDLESS RAIN DROPS FALLING FROM THE SKY AND VERY FRIDGID TEMPS) I’ve had time to gather my thoughts on lifey-things and such. What better place to get your thoughts out than the world wide web?!…

So, just a little warning, this may get a bit long winded. 

Lucky for my readers mom, there is this nifty little “x” in the top right hand corner of your browser. You can shut me up any time you want with just a click of the mouse! I know what you’re thinking…you wish you had that in real life. Too bad, friends.

 

TOPIC ONE: EXPRESS LANE POLICE

Could anybody enlighten me on the need for an express lane at the store when NOBODY EVEN ABIDES BY THE 15 ITEMS OR LESS RULE. As you can see, this gets me a little worked up. But as a rule-abiding citizen of the great ole USofA I think I have the absolute right to get a little testy!

The other morning I was running in for a quick trip to pick up some last-minute things for a big shebang. I went to the express lane (because I had 15 items or less) thinking it would be a short process. 

NOPE.

The lady 2 people in front of me had 6 items. Which she kindly broke into 3 different purchases.

NUH-UH.

Andddd one of her purchases were cigarettes which means the checker had to walk very slowly to the cigarette cabinet, find a manger, unlock the door, and then walk very slowly back and check her out. Another on of her purchases was a donut. 

Woman. Just buy your friend the dang donut.

GAWSH.

As if this one experience didn’t doom me to the self check-out for life –

a different time this oldgeezer man behind me, very obviously, COUNTED MY ITEMS.

And I was all NUH-UH OLD MAN. In my head, of course. But still. I had that look on my face that was all like “I dare you to count one more item.” 

 

TOPIC TWO: SHAKIN’ IT.

I’ve recently started this Zumba journey. For those of you who do know me, I know what your thinking: “Kyla already dances so well I bet she is a star in that class.”

Well, that’s not quite the case. 

I love the heck out of that class but I look like a fool with my noodle arms and uncoordinated body. But TRY AND KEEP ME AWAY. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a working out environment ever in my entire life. 

I knew from the first time we did the pony that this was made for me.

Be still my heart.

I’m movin and grooving and shakin what little the Good Lord gave me. And you know what? When the instructor says “How is everybody doing?!?!” I’m the only one that says “WHOO!” back but I don’t even care. Because my heart is happy and I’m getting that bikini bodddd, y’all. LOL.

I’ll get that bikini bodddd once I put down the chips and guac. And maybe lay off the wine a bit. Clear liquids, right? Bartender can pass me the gin & toni. I’ll  be just as happy. And fit and fiiiiine.

 

TOPIC THREE: CHRIS THE FARMER

As you probably guessed I’m one of those Bachelor / Bachelorette fans. Krusty and I watch it religiously and yell at the TV give our unbiased thoughts on the current happenings.

You want to know what I think? I think that it’s absolutely bonkers to go on this show. But you know what else? I probably would just to have an excuse for a stylist to make me look beautiful. Because lemme just say they all looked flawless on “THE BACHELOR TELL ALL” – which was by-far my most fave episode. That and the one that left Kardashian and “Guidence Counselor” in the dessert. Because that was fun-nay.

But “THE BACHELOR TELL ALL” just got a little rowdy. And I liked it.

Can I just say Jillian needs to calm down on the “protein shakes” AKA STEROIDS a bit. Dontcha think? Because no self-proclaimed lady in her right mind wants to be wearing such an angry face during a heated debate. Mama always taught me to remain looking pleasant at all times. 

*Except for the fact that I got PapaBear’s jeans and tend to turn BEAT RED when I feel a really bad thing coming on. Which I am proud to say only comes around once in a blue moon; I tend to remain calm a large majority of the time. DONTCHA WORRY GUYS.*

Surprisingly enough I am both TEAM WHITNEY & TEAM BECCA. Even though, as my poor roommate (who has the stomache bug and will probably be quarantined to her room for the next 72 hours) can attest that I’ve always been TEAM CARLY from the beginning. But alas, I shall settle.

Whitney is ADORABLE and Becca has just this BEAUTIFUL FACE AND EVERYTHING. As much as I love watching this show I can’t help but feel a bit ug when it’s all over.


I’m behind on my episodes so I can’t give my opinion on the final turnout but I have a strong hunch the winner’s name rhymes with Shmitney. BUT PLEASE, NOBODY SPOIL IT FOR ME.


So stay tuned for later this week. Because I’ve got plenty on my mind to share.

 

-KC

By the Beard of Zeus!

One week down.

And I think I like it. :)

Everything is still a little surreal. In college I always had my own “space”, but now I can actually do WHATEVER I WANT (budget permitting) TO THE SPACE. How does that make me feel, you ask?

anchorman

It’s way cray.

I loooove to decorate. And I don’t mind painting furniture either. Well, I didn’t until I had my “I can actually do WHATEVER I WANT (budget permitting) TO THE SPACE” moment. Because at the current moment, I’m pretty over it. But it’ll come back after another weekend of me binge-watching HGTV and DIY. Or the next time I pop open some Cab. Whichever happens first.

As if you don’t know…

Anyways.

Decorating seems to make everybody so happy on those shows.

Disclaimer: I do realize that the reason the hosts are always so perky is because they don’t do a lick of the work. Luckily, I have accepted the fact and traded it in for not having to look as good as they do at the completion of the project. There’s nooo way I would wear my fur vest to refinish a coffee table. Also because I don’t have a fur vest. Because I spent my money on a house. They have it way too good.

Sorry, I’m over it. 

Sort of.

And to pull this focus train back into the station….

This whole house-buying thing was way doable.

Thanks in part to my awesome rooms, Krusty. Paha. Kidding. Her name is Kristie. And she might move out now that I just called her that other “K-word” on social media.

Other Disclaimer: Our celeb-couple name is Krusty Clamajaka. Sounds way gross and awful, but there’s one of those “it’s an inside joke” explanations that go along with it. So just work with me here.

To the point I was going for earlier – it’s a very rewarding thing to be able to say you’ve actually accomplished something with this kind of magnitude. And I’m very thankful to everyone who has helped. If I was doing all of this myself, it would be a lot less enjoyable. But the way things have gone, I would probably do it again. In 5 – 10 years.

And that’s the current update on my life as a homeowner.

Status: Still quite enjoyable

Laters.

And they swore they’d never move me again….

So…………………………………I did it.

I bought a house.

YEP. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. I BOUGHT A HOUSE…CONDO.

This was the most exciting thing I’ve ever done in all of my 22 3/4 years of living. And probably the thing I’m most proud of. For those of you in complete and utter shock, you may be surprised to learn that I am quite responsible when it comes to the fiscal aspect of things. No, I cannot do math. And no, I probably will never learn. But I can definitely set up that automatic withdrawal from my checking to savings (shout-out to the Wells Fargo mobile app!).

I’ve learned a whole boat-load of things through this process. Because other than the Honda back in ’11, this is the first major purchase I’ve ever made.

For one, it was not as hard of a decision as I imagined it to be. As soon as I walked into my (soon-to-be) condo I felt as if I had found my wedding dress! Ridiculous, right? (I should probably lay off of the TLC wedding programming.) When I made that particular comment I could feel the “Ugh, Kyla. You’re going to have to get married one day. Please.”  look from Mom.

The only thing that would’ve made that first glance more exciting would have been if Ty would’ve had a giant RV in front of the property and yelled “MOVE THAT BUS!” right before I opened the door. But alas, my Realtor walking me through the front door had to suffice.

Also, the fact that I have yet to feel any slight form of regret is pretty awesome. I may or may not be known for hasty decisions….but this was an easy YES. Oddly enough, this one trait of mine still tends to take my parents by surprise even after all these years. I’ve always been one of those “If I really want to do it, I’m going to do it. Like right now.” kind of gals, but they still secretly hope that I’ve gone through all of the deep thinking required for these kinds of decisions. This is probably why my father offered me a large sum of money to forgo a wedding and just elope – and then immediately ate his words and has never spoke of such things again. Because that idea does sound pretty dreamy. Quick to the punch. Just like I like it.

Pinterest has been my bestie-for-the-restie through all of this, too. So many ideas. Wait…so many CHEAP ideas. That’s what I meant. All of my remodeling ideas aren’t going to happen for a while, which is OK because it’s 100% move-in ready yesterday, but I’m still pretty stinkin’ stoked to be able to make it allll my own.

Move-in day happened and I have begun to observe my parents for any signs of emotional distress. They seem to be taking it pretty well. And they’re the best. Because they helped me more than I could have ever imagined! Yippee!

I’m doing pretty well so far. Considering. I’m just waiting for that first time I start to feel a little sad from adultville. Like when I hear sad songs about growing up on the radio. Or when my first payment is due. That might cause some tears. And pain. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea…HEY PEPTO BISMAL!

You know you were all thinking it.

 

Orevua!

 

Magazines know EVERYTHING!

I’ve been a long-time reader of Cosmopolitan magazine. I can’t help it. Something about the pretty cover and unrealistically beautiful cover people with unattainable looks always catches my attention when I’m waiting in the HEB checkout line with my (usually very strange) combination of weekly groceries. And I will probably continue reading it for many years – even though about 99% of the stuff in the magazine is absolutely bizarre and ridiculous. I sincerely hope that all you ladies out there that do read this magazine don’t base your lives off of it. People don’t actually do this junk…or do they…? All the magazines these days have gone a little overboard with pop culture.

Let’s begin.

While waiting in the checkout line yesterday, I was casually browsing the magazine covers to get a quick recap of all the breaking news going on in the lives of celebrities. It’s always so accurate and completely relatable, so I like to be in the know.

On the cover of a teen magazine was Selena Gomez standing with that ever-so-popular hand-in-your-messy-hair stance, holding a wallet. That she was biting. Is that weird? To me it is, but maybe I should try it. I mean, she did snag Biebs. So it must be the thing to do. Cosmo cover girls do a lot of weird things, but never have  I ever seen one eating a wallet. I guess the rumors that she was money hungry were true. Aha. Joke of the day. You’re welcome.

Cosmo cover girls just wear crazy outfits…that I not-so-secretly wish I could pull off. Sadly, I put maybe 15 minutes into bettering my appearance, and I’m pretty sure these looks aren’t created in such time. They need at least 20. For sure.

Now for the meat and potatoes.

My favorite part is the advice column that’s usually smack-dab in the middle. I’ve decided they do this so they can throw in a few love stories and make you feel down in the dumps. Then, PRAISE JESUS IT’S THE ADVICE PAGE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! Because you don’t actually realize how many life-altering problems you have until you spend 30 minutes reading stories and adventures of complete strangers.

I would like to know the qualifications of an Advice Columnist. I like to write. Can I be one?

The advice is unreal. By that I mean AWESOME. Just kidding. Unless you’re into it. In which case go for it. How else would you know if a prenup is a good decision? However,  if any of you are crazy enough to take my advice would like some input on a current situation in your life – preferably dealing with love and relationships, because everyone knows I am just an absolute genius on the subject – let’s give it a try. I’ll temporarily take over the “Dear Abby” title. Because I like to do what I can to help the community.

Secondly, it’s those quizzes. As weird as they are, I’m always going to be adamant about completing each and every, very accurate, quiz. I like to know what kind of person I am. The end result is always some very helpful information like which type of high heel you reflect. Also, my spirit animal is a Gazelle. <– That quiz was my favorite. It’s like playing MASH as an adult. Remember that game? I always got the short end of the stick in that one….

Then there’s the horoscopes. Virgo at your service! As hard as I try, I just can’t avoid these things. And I believe them. These words just seep into my sub-conscience. For example, one time it said something about finding fortune. And wouldn’t you know it, there was a dollar in my back pocket. Coincidence? Nope.

Well, that’s all I have.

Time to go read my new mag.

KC.

 

Magical Maifest Memories….except not.

Normally, if you were to see a small child dressed in head-to-toe brown and green sparkles portraying a tree, you might think it were a little odd.

However, if you are a Brenhamite and you see a small child dressed in head-to-toe brown and green sparkles portraying a tree, the next thought would be, “I wonder where all the other woodland creatures are? They must be coming up on the next float.”

Welcome to Brenham.

Home of Bluebell Ice Cream, Friday Night Lights and Maifest.

This gajillion-year-old tradition is one of the biggest things in this town [the county fair is wayyy better, but that’s just my opinion].

There is even royalty. Yes, you read that right. Four people are selected to reign over the majestic courts in their fancy attire. 275 foot trains, crowns, tiaras, septors, the whole she-bang.

And then there’s the costumes for all the little children to wear.

Yep.

Of course, the costumes have to fall into the theme that is selected for that particular year. And I have come to the conclusion that whoever does these costumes has no regard for any of the participant’s dignity. Because they’re ridiculous. “Oh, the theme is I Love Summer! This little girl should be Sunburn. And this person will be the Aloe Gel.”

Over the years, I have had some ridiculous costumes. I never even liked Maifest actually, but it was the “Brenham” thing to do. So I participated and complained the whole way through. Until that one year I was a dog. I mean, I’ll be a good sport and do almost anything for the sake of a good time, but that crossed the line.

And the list of costumes starts now.

1. Nun – this one was simple, but to this day I still don’t understand why I was given this costume. The photo set actually had dice and cards in the background, so as you can imagine, this picture is pure gold. Unfortunately, I don’t exactly know where it is. I may have hid it that one summer when I went and put all my pictures from junior high in the back of the cabinet.

2. Icecicle – leotard with silver tassels that constantly shed with each small step I took. Oh, and the other girl in this picture was a red jellybean. Of course, right?

icecicle

3. Betty Gable – this costume was probably the best looking and my favorite, but it was also the most uncomfortable and itchy thing I ever wore. Terrible choice in fabric. Also, black gloves in May was an awful idea.

Betty

4. Lollipop – I actually had a giant lollipop to carry during the ceremony, and as your resident childhood fattypants, I actually ate it during the Coronation. Like the whole giant, sugar-filled, size-of-my-face lollipop.

lollipop

And finally,

5. Poodle – tutu, ears, tail, neck-ruffles, wrist-ruffles, ankle-ruffles. There was actually a routine with this costume and I had to crawl out of a dog house, shake a food bowl, and sing into my long tail. Which had a poofball at the end of it.

poodle

Pure golden magic right here.

So there you have it. Brenham’s oldest and weirdest tradition.