That’s a really hard question that I don’t know the answer to.
I’d like to blame this on the fact that I am an indecisive woman. And when that excuse runs dry I’ll turn to the ever-faithful, “I just have too much going on right now to think about that”. Because like I’ve said before, that’s a really hard question.
I’m not much of a soul-searcher. Is that such a bad thing?
If an issue arises I’m more liable to toss it away and kind of ignore it for a while…at least until someone feels like it must be brought to my attention again. Which is perfectly OK, right?
Just like this whole “what is your goal for life” thing. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Not that I don’t think it’s an important question or anything; it’s kind of a super important thing to figure out.
I’m actually quite content at the moment. Living that adorable “small town life” that Brady Ware likes to refer to. [If you don't know who Brady Ware is, then I apologize for this unrelated reference. Or you can also look him up on the ole' FB. And like his band! (Do I get a free 3X9:) t-shirt for this?)]
However. If I look back and refer to my oh so wonderful past, I know that I will soon become restless and need a little spurt of excitement and change. I usually try and focus these “I need something different in my life!” moments on little things like coloring my hair or cutting a few inches off. But alas, I have come to the following conclusions:
a) Blondes have more fun
b) I don’t actually brush these golden locks enough to manage short strands. It’s too much upkeep for my taste. And my hair-do-laziness is much better off when a ponytail is possible.
So now what the heck am I supposed to do??
It’s almost like I have to COMPLETELY MAKE UP MY MIND AND DECIDE ON ONE SPECIFIC THING to do. Which is wayyyyyyy out of my element. Something I have never done.
I’m not saying I don’t complete tasks I set for myself. Because I most certainly do. For example: I recently bought some fabric so I could make a pillow. And although it took me roughly two weeks to actually sit down and do it, you better believe I sewed that bad boy by golly! And it is now sitting on my little futon looking cute and fluffy as ever.
Side note: burlap pillows with a painted on chevron design are only “cute and fluffy” from afar. Eh.
To pull this focus train back into the station…
I honestly don’t have a dang clue on what to do with my one little life. I can’t read people’s minds [although that was the one superpower I wished for as a child], so I can’t say for sure that most little girls have a clear vision of what they want to be when they grow up. But word on the street is that they do. And this bothers me a little bit.
Even when I was little I knew this was going to be a problem. I remember one specific moment in second grade. We had to make a poster with little tidbits about ourselves. When it came to the “I Want to Be A….” box I had no idea what to put! I settled on drawing a nurse that day, but let’s get real. I pass out at the site of human blood and hold my breath around people I feel have even the tiniest little sick-bug. I’d be a goner before the first shift was over.
And when I realllly try and think, reallly, reallly focus – I don’t get any more of an idea of what to do with my future than I had before I thought really hard – and possibly created little lines in my forehead for future wrinkles to develop. [Side note again: one thing I do know for sure is I will not be a wrinkly old lady. Heck no.]
When I think of my “talents” I am back down to the thing that every person seems to bring up: I can talk. A lot. Not at first, but once I get going I will most likely blow you out of the water. Sorry. But what am I supposed to do with that?
Game show host?
Secret: I’ve always wanted to be Vana White. However, I am not at all graceful and I could just see myself reaching for that last “h” in the puzzle and completely face-planting. But I’d still look elegant as ever in one of those fancy gowns. Also, I would get eaten alive in one of those big cities so there is just no way that’s ever going to happen. I need to live in a little town where I can look out the window and see a cow.
So, if anybody has suggestions of what I should do with my life please let me know. Until then I’ll be getting on with my current life. Being the cat-loving/susie-homemaking/high-maintenance-farmer/college-football-watching/beer-drinking little girl that I am.