Magazines know EVERYTHING!

I’ve been a long-time reader of Cosmopolitan magazine. I can’t help it. Something about the pretty cover and unrealistically beautiful cover people with unattainable looks always catches my attention when I’m waiting in the HEB checkout line with my (usually very strange) combination of weekly groceries. And I will probably continue reading it for many years – even though about 99% of the stuff in the magazine is absolutely bizarre and ridiculous. I sincerely hope that all you ladies out there that do read this magazine don’t base your lives off of it. People don’t actually do this junk…or do they…? All the magazines these days have gone a little overboard with pop culture.

Let’s begin.

While waiting in the checkout line yesterday, I was casually browsing the magazine covers to get a quick recap of all the breaking news going on in the lives of celebrities. It’s always so accurate and completely relatable, so I like to be in the know.

On the cover of a teen magazine was Selena Gomez standing with that ever-so-popular hand-in-your-messy-hair stance, holding a wallet. That she was biting. Is that weird? To me it is, but maybe I should try it. I mean, she did snag Biebs. So it must be the thing to do. Cosmo cover girls do a lot of weird things, but never have  I ever seen one eating a wallet. I guess the rumors that she was money hungry were true. Aha. Joke of the day. You’re welcome.

Cosmo cover girls just wear crazy outfits…that I not-so-secretly wish I could pull off. Sadly, I put maybe 15 minutes into bettering my appearance, and I’m pretty sure these looks aren’t created in such time. They need at least 20. For sure.

Now for the meat and potatoes.

My favorite part is the advice column that’s usually smack-dab in the middle. I’ve decided they do this so they can throw in a few love stories and make you feel down in the dumps. Then, PRAISE JESUS IT’S THE ADVICE PAGE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! Because you don’t actually realize how many life-altering problems you have until you spend 30 minutes reading stories and adventures of complete strangers.

I would like to know the qualifications of an Advice Columnist. I like to write. Can I be one?

The advice is unreal. By that I mean AWESOME. Just kidding. Unless you’re into it. In which case go for it. How else would you know if a prenup is a good decision? However,  if any of you are crazy enough to take my advice would like some input on a current situation in your life – preferably dealing with love and relationships, because everyone knows I am just an absolute genius on the subject – let’s give it a try. I’ll temporarily take over the “Dear Abby” title. Because I like to do what I can to help the community.

Secondly, it’s those quizzes. As weird as they are, I’m always going to be adamant about completing each and every, very accurate, quiz. I like to know what kind of person I am. The end result is always some very helpful information like which type of high heel you reflect. Also, my spirit animal is a Gazelle. <– That quiz was my favorite. It’s like playing MASH as an adult. Remember that game? I always got the short end of the stick in that one….

Then there’s the horoscopes. Virgo at your service! As hard as I try, I just can’t avoid these things. And I believe them. These words just seep into my sub-conscience. For example, one time it said something about finding fortune. And wouldn’t you know it, there was a dollar in my back pocket. Coincidence? Nope.

Well, that’s all I have.

Time to go read my new mag.

KC.

 

Magical Maifest Memories….except not.

Normally, if you were to see a small child dressed in head-to-toe brown and green sparkles portraying a tree, you might think it were a little odd.

However, if you are a Brenhamite and you see a small child dressed in head-to-toe brown and green sparkles portraying a tree, the next thought would be, “I wonder where all the other woodland creatures are? They must be coming up on the next float.”

Welcome to Brenham.

Home of Bluebell Ice Cream, Friday Night Lights and Maifest.

This gajillion-year-old tradition is one of the biggest things in this town [the county fair is wayyy better, but that's just my opinion].

There is even royalty. Yes, you read that right. Four people are selected to reign over the majestic courts in their fancy attire. 275 foot trains, crowns, tiaras, septors, the whole she-bang.

And then there’s the costumes for all the little children to wear.

Yep.

Of course, the costumes have to fall into the theme that is selected for that particular year. And I have come to the conclusion that whoever does these costumes has no regard for any of the participant’s dignity. Because they’re ridiculous. “Oh, the theme is I Love Summer! This little girl should be Sunburn. And this person will be the Aloe Gel.”

Over the years, I have had some ridiculous costumes. I never even liked Maifest actually, but it was the “Brenham” thing to do. So I participated and complained the whole way through. Until that one year I was a dog. I mean, I’ll be a good sport and do almost anything for the sake of a good time, but that crossed the line.

And the list of costumes starts now.

1. Nun – this one was simple, but to this day I still don’t understand why I was given this costume. The photo set actually had dice and cards in the background, so as you can imagine, this picture is pure gold. Unfortunately, I don’t exactly know where it is. I may have hid it that one summer when I went and put all my pictures from junior high in the back of the cabinet.

2. Icecicle – leotard with silver tassels that constantly shed with each small step I took. Oh, and the other girl in this picture was a red jellybean. Of course, right?

icecicle

3. Betty Gable – this costume was probably the best looking and my favorite, but it was also the most uncomfortable and itchy thing I ever wore. Terrible choice in fabric. Also, black gloves in May was an awful idea.

Betty

4. Lollipop – I actually had a giant lollipop to carry during the ceremony, and as your resident childhood fattypants, I actually ate it during the Coronation. Like the whole giant, sugar-filled, size-of-my-face lollipop.

lollipop

And finally,

5. Poodle – tutu, ears, tail, neck-ruffles, wrist-ruffles, ankle-ruffles. There was actually a routine with this costume and I had to crawl out of a dog house, shake a food bowl, and sing into my long tail. Which had a poofball at the end of it.

poodle

Pure golden magic right here.

So there you have it. Brenham’s oldest and weirdest tradition.

The Truth Behind Today’s Country Music Lyrics

Hello to you all.

This morning, while watching GAC – after convincing Mother that starting the day off watching the news was in no way a good idea – I made a stark realization about the lyrics that were coming out of these people’s perfectly-veneered mouths: “Eh”.

tswift

I mean, I like it. I really like it. I listen to it alll the time. And I hold single-person dance parties on the daily. But if you know me, you know that I am generally obsessed with about 98% of the musical genres out there. Hard metal and tacky rock included (you can thank big brother and PapaBear for that one).

As a songwriter and apparent drama queen (or so I’ve been told), I can assure you that the words/sentences/ridiculous-analogies are just there to make the beat work. They don’t actually speak the truth. Well, they do, but things could be a lot more simpler if the words didn’t have to rhyme.

Lyrics can say a lot about a person. And here is a list of translations from today’s country music:

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22 – “Crap. Adult-hood is almost here. Better get it all out of my system now.”

I’m a redneck woman, and I ain’t no high-class broad  – “I wear my pajamas to Wal-Mart and strapless dresses with non-strapless bras.”

And I don’t even know my last name – “I know there are more important things, but how will I ever show proper identification?”

God is great. Beer is good. And people are crazy – I honestly can’t really argue with this. Rock on, Billy.

And hold on tight cause it’s gonna be wilder than any eight second ride – “I better use a rodeo analogy so people know I’m a cowboy. I can’t wait to take a good dip at the end of this song.”

Run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady -“Granny is on her way over. Better shape up.”

Behind every woman’s scorn is a man who made her that way -“I’m a woman and I hold grudges until the end of time. Get used to it.”

Shake it for me girl -“I couldn’t think of any other words that rhymed so  I decided to repeat the same slightly tacky phrase over and over and relate it to all things nature because I’m a country boy! I can’t wait to take a good dip at the end of this song.”

Sunny and 75 – “I know 75 is way too cold for the beach and a bikini, but 95 didn’t fit as well.”

And my favorite….

Drive me redneck crazy – “Didn’t you all know that Redneck Crazy is a lot more detrimental than regular crazy? Because it so is.”

 

Have a lovely day!

 

K-Rae Cmajdizzle

(Thought I’d use my musical name [for when I become a rap goddess].)

Ooops…Part II – Tardy for the Party

Ooops. I’m a little late.

That whole thing in my last blog about adding a new post every week definitely did not happen. Sorry about that. I don’t know what I was thinking putting that out there. So, we will make this Part II-VII. And I’m not going to guarantee any future posts after this. I just can’t commit to long-term things like that.

Which brings me to….Kyla’s Love (or lack thereof) Story, Parts II – VII.

Commitment. What a concept, right? Nobody stays committed anymore. Just kidding. Plenty of people do. But I don’t. Unless it involves sleep or eating. Or going out on a Saturday night. I’m way committed to those things.

Maybe when I’m 28 I’ll give it a try.

And I hope you all know I’m kidding when I constantly say I’ll do all these things when I’m 28. Because I would do it all tomorrow if the opportunity presented itself. But for now, I’m just going with the flow.

I’ve slowly started to realize that most of the knowledge I’ve gained about the topic of love (commitment included), comes from the “Quotes” section of Pinterest. And I’ve just got to throw it out there – it’s such crap. The quotes, I mean.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m obsessed. I will probably spend at least an hour (combined) every day on that particular Pinterest page. It’s like watching The Notebook, but not. Because you don’t get that ugly cry from just hanging out on Pinterest. It’s just so inspiring. And so totally unrealistic.

Why, you ask? I have compiled a list of the top three questionable overly-sappy (in my opinion) love quotes:

1. “The best feeling is when you look at him and he’s already staring.”

Really? Romantic – no. Creepy – yes. Maybe it’s just me and my lack of self-confidence (which I totally don’t have, but I was recently told I do?), but if someone is staring at me, I’m either going to be weirded out or immediately think I have a boog in my nose or lunch in my teeth.

2. “You and I will always be unfinished business.”

This doesn’t seem very healthy, right?

3. “The way you say my name is different from the way anyone else says it. I know this is love.”

I can actually understand this because I was given the name Kyla Cmajdalka. When a man can say “Kyla” and not have it sound like “Colluh”, and Cmajdalka without adding the very expected, but very unnecessary “-donka” at the end and then automatically bust into a rousing rendention of Honkey-tonk Shma-donky-donk”, then, and only then, will it be love. But for the rest of you souvenir-keychain-named-people, this just seems a leeetle lame.

Moving on….

I present to you, the top three most precioussss ones:

1. “If someone’s meant to be yours, eventually they will be.”

This cuts down on the stress of finding a good man. Because surely he’ll pop up one day, right? Even though according to my dearest Nana, I basically passed prime marrying age about 5 years ago. Bless her.

2. “I’m a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind.”

Tacky? Yes. True? Mostly. I’m not talking dirty like a 48-year-old dude who only hangs out in pool halls. I probably better fit the description of immature middle-schooler.

3. “Falling in love should be like Polaroids. Instant.”

Fave. Only because I firmly believe that if it’s not there on date numero uno, it’s not going to be there for the second. Or third. Or fourth. So pack it up and move along.

And that is that. My thoughts. My beliefs. My procrastination.

Until next time, (which knowing me, will probably be in a good month or two)….

Good bye.

Kyla’s Love (or lack thereof) Story: Part I

It was recently brought to my attention that I needed to get back on the blog train and write another post. Yes, it may have been a few days since my last spurt of writing, but I’ve been a tad busy.

I usually dedicate my posts to random thoughts that I have throughout the day; however this one is going to focus on something a little different.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I’m not much of a soul searcher. And I’m not. But thanks to a few life changes, several good friends, and numerous bottles of wine, I have come down to several conclusions about a part of life that many people would consider to be quite important. Love.

Every week until Valentine’s Day I will be writing a post that has to do with the dreaded “L-Word”. This 7-part series will highlight my thoughts on the subject, as well as any events that may occur between now and February 14.

 

I would also like to add that I’m totally not against love. I have several friends who are blissfully happy and I wish them all the best.

On that note, I also have a handful of friends who have been screwed over. And it can get to be a headache. And it’s depressing. And a low-blow to the self-esteem. And just makes every single song and movie ten-times more heart-wrenching. And if you’re me, you curse entirely too much. Like a very un-ladylike amount. And get a beer gut.

Like most of the people in this world, I’ve been on both sides of the fence.

Currently, I like to think that I am right in the middle of these two places.

For once in my life I am absolutely and completely content with being a loner. Seriously, these are some of the best days I’ve had. Ever. My focus has gravitated towards bettering myself, making new friends and spending time with people who I know will still be there in 10 years. And it all makes me really, really happy.

When the day comes and I turn 28 (that’s my cut off-year for being single), I suppose I’ll be ready to take that step into the serious dating world. I figure that will give me enough time to fall madly in love, get proposed to on my 29th birthday, have a quick 7 month engagement (I hear it takes a while for the wedding dress to come in the mail), and give birth to a set of boy/girl twins at the ripe age 30.

[So boys, if you're looking for a wife that can cook and stays up-to-date on laundry, give me a call in about 6 years.]

There is one slight exception to this rule….If you are a NFL kicker or play MLB, we can go ahead and get hitched on the spot. Like now.

But until then, I will just be going on with my life and living out my current motto:

YOU’VE GOT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.

I know this is like playing a broken record, but it really is true.

Until the day comes that you can be happy with yourself and each and every flaw you may think you have, you should just hold off. Take the foot off the gas pedal and just coast.

Because if you aren’t happy with your own self, there’s no way you can be happy with someone else.

This stuff may be complete crap, but it has been working out pretty well for me. And considering my own personal love stories, I should probably be the very last person to even think about telling anybody how to live their love life. But at the same time, I could be absolutely correct.

Who else are you going to take advice from? The quote section of Pinterest?

(I will go ahead and admit that I do the above all the time.)

So, to wrap up this little mess of randomness, I will just say that everybody should just be happy with wherever their life is right now. Whether you are absolutely infatuated with somebody, or just got kicked to the curb. Just be happy. Because you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

And lastly, if you are not happy, I also have some advice for you:

Do whatever the hell it is that you need to do to get to your happy place!

That is all.

 

 

 

 

My over-hyphenated rambling for the day.

I found this on one of my late-night-I’m-a-big-girl-so-you-can’t-make-me-go-to-bed-Pinteresting stints:
Image
Well crap.

That’s a really hard question that I don’t know the answer to.

I’d like to blame this on the fact that I am an indecisive woman. And when that excuse runs dry I’ll turn to the ever-faithful, “I just have too much going on right now to think about that”. Because like I’ve said before, that’s a really hard question.

I’m not much of a soul-searcher. Is that such a bad thing?

If an issue arises I’m more liable to toss it away and kind of ignore it for a while…at least until someone feels like it must be brought to my attention again. Which is perfectly OK, right?

Just like this whole “what is your goal for life” thing. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Not that I don’t think it’s an important question or anything; it’s kind of a super important thing to figure out.

I’m actually quite content at the moment. Living that adorable “small town life” that Brady Ware likes to refer to. [If you don't know who Brady Ware is, then I apologize for this unrelated reference. Or you can also look him up on the ole' FB. And like his band! (Do I get a free 3X9:) t-shirt for this?)]

However. If I look back and refer to my oh so wonderful past, I know that I will soon become restless and need a little spurt of excitement and change. I usually try and focus these “I need something different in my life!” moments on little things like coloring my hair or cutting a few inches off. But alas, I have come to the following conclusions:

a) Blondes have more fun

b) I don’t actually brush these golden locks enough to manage short strands. It’s too much upkeep for my taste. And my hair-do-laziness is much better off when a ponytail is possible.

So now what the heck am I supposed to do??

It’s almost like I have to COMPLETELY MAKE UP MY MIND AND DECIDE ON ONE SPECIFIC THING to do. Which is wayyyyyyy out of my element. Something I have never done.

I’m not saying I don’t complete tasks I set for myself. Because I most certainly do. For example: I recently bought some fabric so I could make a pillow. And although it took me roughly two weeks to actually sit down and do it, you better believe I sewed that bad boy by golly! And it is now sitting on my little futon looking cute and fluffy as ever.

Side note: burlap pillows with a painted on chevron design are only “cute and fluffy” from afar. Eh.

…….

To pull this focus train back into the station…

I honestly don’t have a dang clue on what to do with my one little life. I can’t read people’s minds [although that was the one superpower I wished for as a child], so I can’t say for sure that most little girls have a clear vision of what they want to be when they grow up. But word on the street is that they do. And this bothers me a little bit. 

Even when I was little I knew this was going to be a problem. I remember one specific moment in second grade. We had to make a poster with little tidbits about ourselves. When it came to the “I Want to Be A….” box I had no idea what to put! I settled on drawing a nurse that day, but let’s get real. I pass out at the site of human blood and hold my breath around people I feel have even the tiniest little sick-bug. I’d be a goner before the first shift was over.

And when I realllly try and think, reallly, reallly focus – I don’t get any more of an idea of what to do with my future than I had before I thought really hard – and possibly created little lines in my forehead for future wrinkles to develop. [Side note again: one thing I do know for sure is I will not be a wrinkly old lady. Heck no.]

When I think of my “talents” I am back down to the thing that every person seems to bring up: I can talk. A lot. Not at first, but once I get going I will most likely blow you out of the water. Sorry. But what am I supposed to do with that?

Game show host?

Secret: I’ve always wanted to be Vana White. However, I am not at all graceful and I could just see myself reaching for that last “h” in the puzzle and completely face-planting. But I’d still look elegant as ever in one of those fancy gowns. ;) Also, I would get eaten alive in one of those big cities so there is just no way that’s ever going to happen. I need to live in a little town where I can look out the window and see a cow.

So, if anybody has suggestions of what I should do with my life please let me know. Until then I’ll be getting on with my current life. Being the cat-loving/susie-homemaking/high-maintenance-farmer/college-football-watching/beer-drinking little girl that I am.

I Survived.

Hello friends!

This past weekend was spent at the Frio River engaging in bachelorettey things to celebrate the upcoming hitching of two dear friends. By “bachelorettey things” I mean quenching my every thirst with a liquid other than water. I’ll stop there.

Although I’m fairly certain I burned off a handful of those non-water-liquids tearing up the dance floor Saturday night, I knew I needed to take it a step further and do some damage control to ensure I would fit into my lovely bridesmaids dress [because it's too late and I'm too broke for alterations].

So, my friends, I attempted to do detox #79800907986. [ <--- I can never get past day 2].

And I am proud to say that this self-proclaimed-trailmix-junkie-and-corona-queen successfully completed the daunting challenge!

My food consumption was limited to three fruit & veggie smoothies per day.

And this sucked.

For those of you who don’t know me too well I’ll let you in on a little secret – I’m a snacker. Seriously.

If your belly is growling I’m the go-to girl. Because I will have a supply of snackies [that I may or may not hoard] in a very close proximity to me. This being said, there is no guarantee that I will actually share my stash OR that you will find my food as tasty as I do. I really enjoy healthy and bland foods. Sorry.

[Side note: It's a definite guarantee that trailmix will be one of those non-sharing items. It's my life support. My soul needs it.]

But anyways…

Each of these smoothies had their own “special appearance” and texture.

The breakfast one was deeelicious. I loved every sip and slurp.

The lunch smoothie, a.k.a. my SwampJuice/TankMoss drink was good but not something I would serve to friends. Or enemies, actually. If you can’t handle things with weird texture this is NOT for you. On the plus side, I was able to chew this the most…… :/

Dinner was the bomb-diggity. I can’t explain the excitement that I had for this meal. And it definitely looked least like the patties out in the pasture. So that was a bonus.

All in all, I’m done. And that’s what matters.

I questioned my detox-decision around lunch time on day 2, but then I remembered how much I had to spend buying all the produce and probiotics that went into this wonderful idea of mine.

I’d also like to add that I feel like a CHAMP. Apparently I was really toxy? Kind of gross. But I’m fresh as ever now!

Until I up the bachelorette-party-antie at the wedding, anyways.

For any other health-and-exercise-lovers, you should give her a go! Even though it slightly may suck. A lot.

Cheers!

Love, Kyla

The Life of a Grown-Up

Hello my friends and loyal followers…all three of you.

I realize it has been quite some time since my last post [which was also posted a month late]. I’d just like to point out that I’ve been in somewhat of a life-changing whirlwind. And I shall continue to use that as my excuse for not taking 10 minutes to type up a few paragraphs.

Anywho.

For those of you who do know me, you are aware of my recent graduation from the greatest college on the planet [WHOOOOOP]. And my snagging of a grown-up job. And snagging of grown-up everything else. House, bills, etc.

As one of the first of my friends to graduate and get on with life, I get quite a few inquiries of what it’s like to be on my own.

So, naturally, I have decided to compose a list of newly discovered things about being a certified grown-up [who still gets carded at PG-13 movies]. [[Curse you, baby voice!]]

1. Life is pretty peaceful when you have a cat as a roommate. However, I must comment on the neighbors I have. And by neighbors I mean the two donkeys that live in the pasture behind me. I intend to have a little heart-to-heart with these guys – I have deemed them Samson and Delilah. I don’t know who told them wake-up calls start at 3:56 a.m. but this does not make for a fun slumber. I’d also like to add that this is usually about this time that I am in a deep dream. So, of course, as soon as Leonardo DiCaprio and David Beckham are duking it out for me, Samson and Delilah must come to the rescue with some unnecessarily loud hee-haws.

2. This is the first time in my entire life as a working girl that I have ever had a Monday – Friday, 8 – 5 job. And I absolutely looooove it! Coming from a chick who has spent nearly every night and weekend since she was 16 working at various jobs, this was a welcome change. It’s so weird having a Saturday and a Sunday to catch up on life and do what I want! Oh em geeeee! 

3.Oh Brenham, how I have missed thee! Back in the day when I was just a young whipper-snapper [around 18 or so] I was ready to jet. But just like everyone else in this county, I felt the need to come back. And it is just delightful! For the most part. Brenham will always have it’s own special lameness, but it’s wonderful just the same. It also may have something to do with the fact that I spent the last three years of my life surrounded by fresh-out-of the house preppies that were still getting “care packages” from their mommies and daddies [ by "care packages" I mean daily allowances]. It’s nice driving around a town without being bombarded by Hummers and BMW’s driven by people decked out in full Polo gear and over-sized hair bows. 

Sorry, number 3 may have been a bit tacky but that’s my soapbox for the day. And not that I have a problem with hair bows – I do love them – it’s the heads they are attached to. Sorry again.

4. My budgeting is working better than I had thought it would. This could be in part because I am quite the bargain shopper. The only things I buy full-price are food, gas and cat food. I am also quite the crafty lady, so this definitely helps my home decorating.

5. I am the proud inhabitant of a little trailer! As pathetic as that may sound to a few of you, it is quite the accomplishment for me. Just ask my mother. I have always dreamed of living in a trailer house. I find them very cozy. Of course, I had to spruce it up a bit with some hanging plants, a bird house and tiki torches.

I’d like to add a minor set-back to this dream of mine. When I used to aspire to get to where I am now [home-wise] I never thought I’d be living with a cat. Those little floor vents are getting the best of me. It seems that Jellybean is in love with this magical breeze that comes through these slits in the ground. So, of course she must sit directly on them. For those of you who have not met this little gem of mine, I’ll let you in on a little secret – she’s quite the little fluffer. As soon as she lays her 15 pounds of cat belly on these bad boys hair POOFS into the air in all directions. I just wish she knew that keeping the hair on her body meant I wouldn’t have to bring out the big scary loud sucking machine [vacuum].

 

That’s my list! It’s not full of extraordinarily exciting things, but that’s my life. And I am perfectly content with it. I’m actually quite in love with it.

It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Although some new shoes and additions to my charm bracelet wouldn’t hurt. But just the same, I’m perfectly ok with the simple things. :)

I love being back in the same town with the friends and family I’ve grown up with. All the little quirks that come with growing up in this town still excite me – even if they really are kinda lame if you think about it.

Nontheless, this is my little catloving/trailerliving/biggirl dream. :)

 

Love,

Kyla

 

America: Land of free ketchup and ice cubes in your drink

For the past 20 days I have been traveling throughout Europe. We started in Paris, France, drove to Germany, spent a week cruising the Rhine and Moselle Rivers, drove to Prague and Moravia, and finally spent the better-half of our last week in Salzburg, Austria.

It’s safe to say this has been a learning experience. Prior to this trip the farthest I had traveled was to Cancun when I was six – and the most exotic thing I had done was gotten my entire head of hair braided into teeny little braids with beads at the end. I was cute.

Since there’s absolutely no way I could ever go into detail about all of my newfound knowledge, I have compiled a list of things that….caught me off guard in Europe.

1. They can’t say Cmajdalka over there either.
2. College has perfected my ability to become a marathon sleeper. I can imagine those 10 hour flights would get a bit long for an insomniac.
3. The farmers wear flannel buttondowns and overalls.
4. They also carry wooden buckets.
5. If you have to pay to use public restrooms, ALWAYS carry spare change. I cannot stress this enough.
6. Our education system sucks a little bit.
7. European boys only wear skinny jeans and its gross.
8. Smoking is a big deal over hear. My lungs feel gross from breathing.
9. I would be an even worse driver over there.
10. It’s cold across the pond.
11. Hot beer is good when it is 11 degrees Celsius.
12. Every little shop sells pastries out the wazoo.
13. Euros are pretty.
14. Possession of small amounts of cocaine is legal in Prague
15. Possession of all drugs is legal in Portugal.
16. Some highways (autobahns) in Germany don’t have speed limits; however, some types of vehicles do have speed guidelines to follow.
17. CzechMex and Germican is quite tasty after living off of weinerschnitzel and sourkraut for two weeks,
18. They “schnitzel” everything.
19. Beer is cheaper than water.
20. The water they do serve is “sparkly” and not at all thirst-quenching.
21. Always save room in your suitcase so you can bring your friends back homemade liqueur and schnapps.
22. If you have small children and intend on flying across the Atlantic Ocean, be a gem and give them large quantities of sleeping meds.
23. Go to Hitler’s Eagles Nest and climb the mountains if you ever go to Austria. Of course, my fascination with this place could have a lot to do with the fact that there was like a million feet of snow to play in. I may have built two ADORABLE snowmen.
24. The toilets have two flush buttons; one to flush just a little and one to flush a lot. Chose wisely.
25. Sometimes there’s not buttons. Sometimes there’s a string hanging from the ceiling that you have to pull.

This has been a very interesting trip to say the least. If you enjoy history like me, this is the place to be. Castles are everywhere. Little towns that barely escaped WWII bombings line the rivers. The landscape is unimaginable.

The language barrier can tend to be a problem, however. Especially when you forget what country you are in. Not that I knew how to speak to anybody anyways, but some over exaggerated hand gestures and a smile can get you far.

For those of you who were wondering about the title….
Ketchup, the essential ingredient to every meal must be a delicacy over here. They don’t just hand it out willy-nilly. You have to fork over .90 euros per package. Talk about a bummer. I will never again take the pumpers at Whataburger for granted. And as far as the ice cubes go…they don’t believe in “cool refreshing beverages”.

I will have pictures within the net couple of days…hopefully.

Ciao!
Kyla

Castle Hanky Panky

Hola!

I realize I’m in the wrong country [on the wrong continent] to be using such a greeting but I’m so tired of being lost in the language. I know enough French to order a croissant, enough German to order a beer and enough Czech to wash my bellybutton with a wash cloth [don't ask]. It’s safe to say I have strained my brain; reached into the deep, dark, solitudes; the depths of my cranial capacity. It’s exhausting.

I couldn’t even say how many castles/countries/cities/towns/pastryshops we’ve been to. A new destination every day sounds very appealing [and it truly is], but it has it’s way of throwing a girl off her schedule.

I know for a fact tomorrow is Heidelburg and a beer tasting, but I’m going to end with that. And Prague is in my very near future. Maybe Sunday?? I can’t remember.

You may be wondering about the title. All credit goes to Grandma. As usual.

At one point between now and the last post we were in the Nuremburg Castle. We had toured halls, dining rooms, ladies rooms, kitchens, towers and all the other lovely rooms that are involved in royal living. Out of the blue I hear, “You know, I bet there was a lot of hanky panky going on with all these hallways.”

A moment passed…

“Meet me in the tower!”

Haha. Funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Especially from a mall-walking, church-going, incredibly-loving little old lady. Hehe!

All joking aside it was a beautiful castle! Oddly enough I really enjoy hearing about the torture methods and punishment used back in the day. But that’s a perfectly normal thing for a little blue-eyed blonde girl, right?

We went into [what was] the stables. They hadn’t had any records suggesting where the people were punished so they decided on this particular area.

Back then, they coudn’t give punishment without a confession. So how did they get the confession, you ask? Easy. They simply tortured them to the point of confession. Duh….

The methods of torture range from spikey chairs, to iron masks, to sitting in an iron bull heated by fire. Sounds simply delightful.

Once they got a confession, THEN they were punished. You know…the ole’ public humiliation, death kind of thing.

Today we actually went to an entire musuem full of torture devices. And I thought it was very interesting. And now my mother is very concerned. Sorry, Mom.

Tonight we had the Captain’s Dinner on the ship and it’s safe to say I will never eat again. Ever. I’ve said this before but I really mean it this time. So. Much. Food.

And then out of the blue Grandma throws out another one-liner.

“I saw Slum Dog Millionaire once and I didn’t really like it.”

What???

And people wonder where I get it from…

Everything has been great here. It’s been really cold, which I could really do without, but the scenary is very pituresque.

Have a wonderful day:)

Kyla